FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions
About Triggers
Below you will find the answers to the most frequently asked questions about the phenomenon of triggers. We answer why you react the way you do, why someone triggers you, and how you change this automatism into a conscious choice.
Is this bad?
Withdrawal (the Flight response) is a deeply ingrained survival mechanism. When your Amygdala fires the alarm, shutting down is your body’s way of keeping you safe from perceived emotional harm. It is not a character flaw, but it is destructive to relationships.
- Why It's Damaging: When you silently withdraw, your partner is left in emotional limbo, often feeling abandoned, rejected, or punished. This triggers their own Amygdala (often engaging their "fight" response), escalating the conflict.
- The Solution: Use the External Pause Protocol:
The goal is to get the space you need without damaging the relationship through silence or absence. You must replace silent withdrawal with communicated distance. - Communicate Your Need: Announce your withdrawal using an "I" statement that takes ownership: "I am feeling overwhelmed, and I need a 15-minute break. I am not leaving the problem, I am leaving the room to calm my body down."
- Schedule the Return: Crucially, set a specific time to re-engage: "I will be back at 7:00 PM, and we will talk then."
- The Result: This honors your need for safety while simultaneously honoring your partner’s need for security and commitment. This transforms a destructive withdrawal into a constructive, regulated Pause.
The take-away: Withdrawal is not "bad," but silent withdrawal is destructive. The External Pause is the safe, responsible alternative.
For more information go to the page Triggers.
I.e. catastrophic forecasting, resorting to threats, kitchen sinking, resort to a personal attack, giving the silent treatment or using generalized labeling.