FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions
About Triggers
Below you will find the answers to the most frequently asked questions about the phenomenon of triggers. We answer why you react the way you do, why someone triggers you, and how you change this automatism into a conscious choice.
It feels like the topic changes, but the fight is always identical.
You are absolutely right: the fight is not about the dishes or the money. It's about a deeper, core emotional wound being activated.
The conflict is not about the topic, but about the activated Core Receptor.
- The Stimulus (The Surface Issue): The dishwasher, the money, or being late is simply the stimulus. It's the small trigger hitting the surface.
- The Core Receptor (The Real Fear): This stimulus hits your Core Emotional Receptor (or core fear). This is an unresolved emotional need, usually rooted in old experiences, that is constantly on high alert.
| Surface Stimulus (The Topic) | Core Receptor (The Deep Fear) |
|---|---|
| Undone Dishes | Hits the feeling of "My needs are not important," or "I am not respected." |
| Late for an Appointment | Hits the feeling of "I am not valued," or "I am facing this alone." |
| Disagreement on Money | Hits the feeling of "I am unsafe," or "I have no control." |
Because the Amygdala is designed to protect that core fear, it fires the alarm every single time the stimulus appears, causing an identical hijack reaction regardless of whether the argument is about a small household chore or a major life decision. You are reacting to the old pain, not the current problem.
The solution is to stop debating the dishes and start talking about the unmet need (the fear of disrespect or abandonment) that the dishes represent.
For more information go to the page Triggers.
I.e. catastrophic forecasting, resorting to threats, kitchen sinking, resort to a personal attack, giving the silent treatment or using generalized labeling.